Confessions of a Wino

British MPs are being forced to cut back in anticipation of being voted out at the next election.  In the meantime, they are biding time on expense accounts barely adequate for a FTSE executive board member, never mind a potential world leader.  Even fresh pilchards for the white Persian cat have been disallowed.  Whence does one plot world domination, when one can’t even afford a clean moat?

I think the solution for most bright Members is to reduce the wine Average Bottle Value (ABV).

Château Ricaud Premières Côtes de Blaye 2005 was only £7.50 from the Wine Society and, therefore, well suited to the brave new budget.

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When I bought a cheeky mystery case of red Burgundy “to drink now” from the Wine Society they probably didn’t realise how literally I would take the title of the case.

In barely the time it takes a Tory MP to repay his moat cleaning expenses, I am already deep into my third bottle.

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Tonight I am drinking Terrazas de los Andes Reserva Malbec 2006.  A very nice wine and worth every penny of the £8.50 I paid Costco for it.

This is one of the staples of the Gaucho Grill wine list, but when average wine markups in the UK are between 100 and 200% (i.e. double to three times the wholesale price) how come Gaucho thinks it can charge £37.50, a 341% uplift, and that is against the RETAIL price.  Is this a new British and Commonwealth record?

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Just one day after the final match of the season, the 2008/9 FA Premiership is already a distant memory.  We now enter the silly summer season where silly sums will be spent on sop soccer stars with scant regard for common sense or the common fan.

If there is one maxim in life that everyone understands it is that money does not guarantee success.  I mean, look at Mark Hughes’ under-achievers.  Being a long suffering Man City fan, it is no surprise to me that we scraped in mid table a whopping 5 points clear of footballing paupers, Stoke City, even though one of our players cost more than Stoke’s entire squad.

I have to congratulate Stoke on an over-achieving season.  Based on the resources available to them and being newly promoted to the division, they were odds on to get relegated.  But Tony Pulis had a well thought out strategy and it worked.

Strange game football eh?  But the same can apply to wine.  This bottle came from a Wine Society Mystery Burgundy Case (average implied bottle price £20 but actually was on sale for £56.75 on the WS website).  Ouch!  It better be good!

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Cafe de Luna, on boulevard de Clichy is a bustling bistro that caught my eye on a cheeky weekend visit.  We were staying round the corner in the ninth and needed a reasonably priced dinner.  That is a challenge at the moment for Brits in Paris due to the parity of Euro/Sterling.

I started with Bourgogne escargots in garlic and mopped up every last morceau!  Eating snails is always a bit like chewing on rolled up condoms but it is the sauce that makes the strange texture so appealing.

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Where did all the money go then?  In my quest to account for some of the missing credit crunch trillions, once believed to have been squirreled away by bankers, I spotted that £7 billion has been invested in the search for Higgs Boson – the clitoris of particle physics.

But last September, the Large Hadron Collider hit technical snags and some magnets over-heated bringing the search to a premature climax with helium gushing out all over the place.

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And so Eurovision has come and gone and, for once, the UK didn’t come last.  In fact we made a creditable 5th place, although we had to recruit the noble Lord Webber of Musicals to write us a tune and, predictably, the singer had to come from a reality TV show.

Some have criticised Eurovision in recent years alleging tactical voting as being the cause of the UK’s fall from grace.  I say our entries were just pap and wouldn’t have troubled the scorer in a hitting a barn door with a banjo competition.

Highly variable results is something you get used to when you drink Burgundy.  Was Jean Grivot Nuits-St-Georges Les Lavières 2004 a “Waterloo” or did it score null points?

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In order to test my hypothesis that it is possible to contract Deep Vein Thrombosis whilst watching an opera, I went to see the 3.5 hour epic Don Carlos at Leeds Grand Theatre last week.  But way back in 1867, Giuseppe Verdi must have foreseen that the seats in the balcony of this fine theatre would be designed for pigmies and children only.  Although there was only one interval, he thoughtfully planned the opera in four acts with a total of six scene changes.  My calves yelled with delight each time the curtain fell and I was able to stand for a few brief but exquisite seconds.

As an opera, Don Carlos has it all.  Intrigue, deception, death, war, royalty and of course, adultery, all of which delivered by a huge cast.  I know you southern types have Sadlers Wells and the Royal Opera House, but up here where it’s cold, wet and cheap… Well we have got Opera North and we are justifiably proud.  This was one of the best productions I have seen with the pick of the cast being William Dazely as Rodrigo, veteran of equally excellent ON productions of Let ’em Eat Cake and Of Thee I Sing where he was a great President – John P Wintergreen.

Anyway back to Spain where Don Carlos (son of Philip II King of Spain) had to suffer the ignominy and heartache of having his promised love, Elisabeth de Valois, marry his father in a political settlement, and as you can imagine, that makes for a promising start to any story.

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Quand j’ai écrit du Prince des vins (Marquis de Ségur) et ce vin ci, en Octobre 2007, je n’ai pas su qu’il y avait encore une bouteille dans mon moissonneuse-batteuse.  Je viens de le déguster.

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I’ve said in the past that if a rising tide floats all boats, then in good years like 2005, it must be worth rowing across to Analogy Island in one of the lesser bateaux of the Bordelais flotilla.

So I popped a few quid in the post to the Wine Society for a case of Côtes de Bordeaux 2005 and they sent me, amongst other bottles, some Château Martinat Côtes de Bourg.

It justified my argument.  There is some real shite sent down La Gironde in the name of fine claret but I think the enormous majority of wines are born of genuine fathers (and mothers….) who really care.

This is certainly the case with Martinat.  Whilst I do not know the winemaker (Stéphane Donze, since you ask), you only have to sip the wine to taste the parental devotion.

This kid is spicy, fruity, intelligent and rich – almost destined to grow up to be Stephen Fry’s replacement on QI.  The taste is peppery, plummy and with firmish tannins I found it a nice match for spicy pizza.

Mine was £9.95 from the Wine Society but unsurprisingly now sold out.  Shame because it is one of the best ten quid bottles I’ve tasted in a long while.