Confessions of a Wino

Have you ever watched a football match where the result went against the run of play?  Or fancied a bird whose face was constructed from the Pam Ayres book of beauty?  Or eaten something like a Seekh Kebab that looks like a dog turd but tastes bloody lovely?

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Some gadgets are adorable and some are practical.  None are both.

My iPhone is adorable but lacks practicality on so many levels.  It is missing some very basic technical features like cut and paste.  I keep dropping it because it is too smooth to hold.  It always looks like it’s been pawed by a jello wrestling dog that has just walked across a skid pan.

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It seems that people haven’t stopped spending after all.  January 2009 retail sales in the UK were actually 0.7% higher than last month and a whopping 3.6% higher than Jan 08.  Analysts (who are these anonymous experts?  It’s like reading about comments from “community leaders” after a local riot) suggest that deep discounting in the January sales was the cause.  Whatever.  It shows that if you can get your value proposition right, people will still buy.

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I’ve had a couple of marketing lessons recently.

The first was pulling into a service station with my iPhone flashing a “10% power” warning.  A FoneBitz franchise saw me coming (and presumably had the pictures).  It was more than irony that they stiffed me for £24.95 for an in-car charger.  When the assistant saw me laugh out loud (LOL), she didn’t.  The iPhone cost less than that, I giggled.  “Do you want the item, sir?” said the straight-faced lady.  I had 20 phone calls to make and 200 miles to drive, so I handed over the dirty ransom.

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It’s amazing what you can find through Google.  I typed in Ivy Gestapo and found my website top of the list!  Freixenet pronunciation is another phrase that puts me top, Prezzo Thame is not bad, neither is Cloudy Bay 2007.  Finally, if you are truly bored, try wine combine harvester, another everyday search string that finds my site.

Finding good wine, however, sometimes takes a little more effort.  I made a trip out to Majestic in Leeds and picked up this Tasmanian devil for £14.99.

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Buying an iPhone is a bit like getting married to Pamela Anderson and then finding out she’s done a porno.  Almost everything is exquisite, near perfect, round, supple and enticing.  But you quickly start finding out that a few assumptions you made were wrong, and everyone knew but you.

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I’ve been all over this big wide world and I’ve tried all kinds of Pinot Noir, but I never get bored of trying a new one.  I am going to learn about a new grape soon, but I will always drink PNs whenever I see an interesting one.

I discovered very late in my virtual journey that Oregon is an excellent source of this varietal.  Lemelson Six Vineyards Oregon Pinot Noir 2005 came from the Wine Society (£12.50).

I smelt plums and wet cardboard, but the taste turned out to be more cherry.  A decent wine, but not spectacular value.  I would save up a few more groats and go for the glorious Thea’s Selection (from the same Vineyard and equally available in the UK from the Wine Society at about £19.)

I hardly dare review a Spanish wine after my admonishment at the hands of Lorenza, but I had already purchased this on my way home from Spain in July.  There is not much to do at Malaga airport other than mooch around the “duty free” shop, and €16.30 doesn’t sound like a lot for a Gran Reserva.

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They say that Pinot Noir has barnyard aromas, but this one was more like green manure, just starting to rot away nicely before being ploughed back into the soil to nourish and re-energise.

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……..miaow, miaow, miaow, miaow, miaow!

Craggy Range Te Muna Road Sauvignon Blanc 2007 is the very metaphor for cats’ piss on a gooseberry bush.  Except these Martinborough cats mistook a pineapple tree for the green and prickly one.

Available from the Wine Society at £12.50.  It’s a good slurp but I think there are better value SBs available from New Zealand, and indeed, the Wine Society.  Check out John Hancock’s Trinity Hill at only £8.50, for example.