Confessions of a Wino

Gordon Brown’s nanny state has reached a new high in the form of film censorship and advice.  I was watching an advert on TV for a kids film and the smallprint warning said “contains mild threat and comic fight scenes”.  What is the point of such a warning?  It is inconsistent with other media and not very helpful in any case.

Take an average episode of Dr Who that is aired by the BBC at peak family viewing time on a Saturday tea time.  I used to watch regularly in the 1970’s – Jon Pertwee was my Doctor.  There is more to frighten children than any amount of comic fighting.  By the time I watched The Omen, I was fully prepared.  It could have been labelled “may contain mild Satanic undertones”.  But Damien was simply nowhere near as scary as a Dalek.

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If West Yorskhire is within striking distance and you think you might enjoy looking out over the River Aire at a regatta of swans following a canal barge  of revelling diners (I waved to them – birds and blokes alike) then Brasserie 44 is a place you might want to try.

Brasserie 44 shares a converted Victorian grain store with infamous hotel, 42, The Calls, one of the early entrants on this refurbished homage to modern city living.  The Calls has turned the industrial past into the post-modern future – lofty living, dining and drinking quarter of Leeds city centre.

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I’m not having much luck with my latest Burgundies from the Wine Society.  This one would have cost £24.25 if it had not been included in a cheapo Burgundy bin end case.  The 2004 is available at £28.50 – maybe that is a better bet now?

The 2001 I opened the other evening was slightly oxidised but there was clear evidence of a super wine under the dull acidity.

Apple and blackberry, raspberry and ginger.  It tipped a good nod to Pinot Noir with the smell you get when you chuck damp leaves on a fire.  It wasn’t so badly oxidised as to make it undrinkable but a £25 Nuit St-Georges like this should have had me in ecstasy rather than objectivity.  Shame.

It seems that people haven’t stopped spending after all.  January 2009 retail sales in the UK were actually 0.7% higher than last month and a whopping 3.6% higher than Jan 08.  Analysts (who are these anonymous experts?  It’s like reading about comments from “community leaders” after a local riot) suggest that deep discounting in the January sales was the cause.  Whatever.  It shows that if you can get your value proposition right, people will still buy.

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I’ve had a couple of marketing lessons recently.

The first was pulling into a service station with my iPhone flashing a “10% power” warning.  A FoneBitz franchise saw me coming (and presumably had the pictures).  It was more than irony that they stiffed me for £24.95 for an in-car charger.  When the assistant saw me laugh out loud (LOL), she didn’t.  The iPhone cost less than that, I giggled.  “Do you want the item, sir?” said the straight-faced lady.  I had 20 phone calls to make and 200 miles to drive, so I handed over the dirty ransom.

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Is the Sony brand dead?

I used to be a Sony snob – hifi, TVs, Playstations, Walkmans.  OK I admit I never had a Betamax, but I know early adopter friends who did.  In the 1970s our household was the first in the street with a colour TV.  In the 1980s we were last to invest in VHS technology, albeit by virtue of Radio Rentals and with a third of my first adult weekly paycheque as a deposit.

I am currently watching a Sony TV from the 1990s which is fab. I also own a Sony TV from 2007 that is total tosh – picture quality, software, remote control – all about as user-friendly as a Doberman shaped perambulator.

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This may be made from M. Burguet’s favourite old vines but I am not that impressed.

The first bottle I opened was cloudy as a January day in Manchester (any day in January, take your pick) and as bitter as a teaspoonful of chicory essence – remember that wartime coffee substitute?  No I don’t either.

The second bottle wasn’t cloudy but failed to live up to its price tag of £26 from the cyber-shelves of the Wine Society.

I will give the second bottle the benefit of my detox tainted palate, but I will be writing to Messrs Johnson and co to get my £25.95 back for the first.

For the record it was a little soapy although had a few redeeming flavours of radishes and Eton Mess.  I would expect more from a £7.50 bottle of Chilean Pinot.

To pass the time during my New Year detox, I have been hoovering up wine bargains to stock up for the year ahead and to get my taste buds flowering in anticipation.

Two bargains stand out from the crowd, one from Costco, one from the Wine Society.  One Champagne, the other red wine but from a relatively close starting point.

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I guess it’s a bit early to be drinking 2005 Gevrey, but I am an impatient man.  My father’s death taught me never to put things off, especially if they are things you might enjoy.  As the old saying goes, if you do it today and you like it, you can do it again tomorrow.

You might think it trite to apply this logic to a bottle of wine but having the patience of a sinner is my cross to bear.  I am the curious cat with tannin stained whiskers.  The Kentucky Fried Chambertin.  The Blackberry addict who switched to Apple too soon.  The oenological antithesis to Mother Theresa, at so many levels.  And anyway, I ordered half a case, so I can do it again tomorrow if I feel like it.

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The papers here in the UK seem to be turning against Mark Hughes, embattled manager of my beloved Manchester City.  His honeymoon period as “the most promising young English football manager” is over with a lunar bump that lacks any sweetness.

The Sunday Times for example alerts Hughes to the fact he is “skating on thin ice”.  The latest defeat at home by an injury depleted Everton squad has once again placed the media spotlight on him.  After all, a mentally anguished Roy Keane recently fell on his sword at Sunderland because they were languishing in the under-achieving position of bottom quarter of the table – equal on points with Man City.

It gives me only bitterness to gloat that I thought Hughes the wrong choice way back in June (before he had even been appointed).  But like all good Man City fans, I keep sailing the dinghy of naive optimism through the rough and tough waters of the Premiership perfect storm of despair.  One has to make the best of now, look to the future, place the past in perspective, believe that tomorrow will be another day (if it ever comes).  However, silver linings are increasingly less related to football, and more to do with other facets of my life.  My latest glint of sunlight peeped from behind the clouds of the top end of my wine collection, ironically squirrelled away at the bottom of my wine store.

The Charmes-Chambertin came from the Wine Society at an obscure price due to bundling a few Rousseaux together into a Burgundy Dividend offering, but I am advised the retail price (if you can find the wine at all) is about GBP50 – that’s nearly EUR50, or USD25 at current exchange rates, so it is held under lock and key in the Wino household.

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