Confessions of a Wino

La Bocana is a great waterfront bar just at the entrance to the harbour so you can watch all the idiots powerboating in and out, in what Jeffo calls their “penis extensions”.

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Dr Thaksin sent me a text message (at his expense) with a personal invite to meet him in Albert Square after the Man City game against Valencia.

Man City invites a European team over at the start of every season for the “Thomas Cook” trophy.  Some would say that this is the only chance we get to watch any European football and I have sympathy with that view.  Valencia were the opponents on this occasion.

City lined up in a 4-4-2 formation, a welcome change to the dire 4-5-1 inspired home performances of last season that resulted in only 10 goals all season.  However, even as pre-season friendlies go, this turned out to be amongst the most non-eventful.

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Cacophony.  That’s the only word to describe the number and range of restaurants on Charlotte Street.  This bustling part of London seems to be the very epicentre of eating out.  I was dining with someone who knew the area and we agreed on Italian so he suggested Bertorelli’s which I learnt had been founded by the Bertorelli family some 90 years ago.

So I was, frankly, bloody annoyed to find that Chez Gérard Group now owned the restaurant and had turned it into yet another one of their chains.  I’ve always considered Chez Gérard to be high on price and low on quality and you may remember my Livebait experience…  I find most chains, in any case, are a triumph of formula over inspiration, of laziness over perspiration.

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It’s taken me ages to get round to posting much about the lads’ trip at the end of June 07.  You remember I left you while we were eating lunch on the first day.  Well a man of my stature (weight that is) needs to eat at least twice a day so the evening found us at Vila do Grove, just behind the Hotel Andalusia Plaza.

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Loose end on a Friday night in Batley, West Yorkshire?  Why not try the world famous Frontier Club?  Many a famous name has played the place – even the Grumbleweeds!

Nothing on the particular Friday I was there, so decided to try the restaurant next door – Zucchini.  I heard it is run by the same people as the excellent but smoky (well, used to be before 1 July 07 English smoking ban) Dolce Vita in Birstall, so we expected great things.

I won’t be going back.  The staff were surly, the wine was too warm and the food was average.

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Mmmmm…. couple too many glasses last night.  Could really do with a spam fritter this morning to soak up the excess alcohol.

Talking of which, I use the Akismet spam filter which is generally superb but just recently it’s been picking up comments that are clearly not spam.  I only noticed while idling through the comments section.  Sorry if any of your comments got caught and not published.

I also decided to publish two comments promoting the sale of lawn mowers.  This was entirely relevant to the article and not only amused me but impressed me.  Online marketing techniques are getting ever more sophisticated!

When we arrived at St Alban for Sunday lunch there were only three other tables occupied!  This despite the day being the biggest sporting day in the UK calendar – men’s final at Wimbledon, Tour de France starting at Trafalgar Square (just round the corner) that morning, British Grand Prix at Northampton (Silverstone), and me dancing at Live Earth the night before (and that is a rare occasion).  This despite the fact that St Alban had telephoned us the day before to push our booking back from 2:0pm to 2:15pm – hmmmm.

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I was asked by one of the sponsors of “new” Wembley “do you want to come and see Muse?”  My total dumbfounded silence made them re-phrase the question – “I’ve got a box at Wembley to see some band you’ve never heard of, do you want to come?”  “YES PLEEEEEEEASE!”

OK so I am too old to have heard of Muse – you can laugh but at least I remember Led Zeppelin – I still have most of their albums (on vinyl of course) and I saw Spinal Tap at Live Earth – rock on!

I thought you might be interested in the pics.

Muse?  Imagine the bastard son of Radiohead and Suede and (if you are a Gen Xer like me) you will see what I mean.

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I did once manage to get some sort of degree from Leeds University Business School which is not exactly the Ivy League.  Still it stood me in good stead for being comprehensible – occasionally.  Sadly this was not true when I visited The Ivy with the wife.

Being in the West End we opened with a quick glass at the Cork & Bottle on Cranbourn Street and swiftly moved on to the surprisingly quiet location next to the St Martin’s Theatre where The Mousetrap has been playing since 1436:

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A lads’ weekend in Puerto Banus (or Port Banus as I call it) and we needed some lunch.  We stayed at the H10 Andalucia Plaza (best breakfast in the whole of Spain).  Still, it was our first day and we hadn’t had any breakfast so we ambled in the direction of the port, and we decided to sample a nice “friendly” looking bar:  Café Los Amigos.

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